Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
