Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
God, I missed his penis.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
