ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
