I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
