Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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