I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
