True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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