I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
two words: eviction party
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
