I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
