bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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