Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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