i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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