She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
