I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
