Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Floor bacon is actually really good
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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