Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
