My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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