I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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