you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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