i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
