Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
