My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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