The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
