I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
