i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
