this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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