so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
