Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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