It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
