I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
