I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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