I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
