Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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