literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
