also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
