I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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