Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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