im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
