Will you blow on my dice?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
