You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
