grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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