did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
