It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
