Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
