It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
