Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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