she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
