It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
