one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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