I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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