Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
