Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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